Home for a week

When I first drafted this post I had nothing to say. Honestly I just wanted to keep these photos online because I love them dearly and although I do realise they are not my best ones yet, they are the only ones I got to take during this break before I go back to college,

In the past half year I felt like my will and passion for photographing was dying a bit. I've always known that times change and I do too and I am a person that goes through a whole lot of phases and cicles. But there's a pattern in me, so I always feel secure that I will get back at stuff eventually. I usually lose interest in photography during winter which is when I go out less and the lighting is poor as well. The season just isn't colourful and vibrant for me I guess. 

I still can't feel spring around the corner but I do notice that the days are longer already and it makes a huge difference to me, I can tell you that! 

I am going to keep this real and although I certainly don't want to be too negative I've been feeling bummed these past few weeks. I am tired because of an whole month spent studying and I feel it didn't even pay-off. And I guess that's the main reason really. So here I am, hoping for warmer, longer, sunnier days. And I wish they come soon!

Have a nice end of the week folks, see you soon! 

This is not a fashion blog

Hey folks! Guess who's now free of duty? That's right! 

Yesterday afternoon I met M. to go for a stroll, and we obv had to bring a camera attached to us. We didn't do anything much, just hung out, chatted about this and that and kind of just enjoyed each other's company without feeling the guilt of all the work you should be doing instead of catching fresh hair, even if you have to, in order to keep yourself sane. 

We went to MAAT (my second time since its opening, the first with M) because I really wanted to go there with M for a while since it's just so beautiful there and no one sees the world in that photographic way I do as she does. 

Still I took my last exam about lunch time so I had a few more minutes to think about what I was going to wear and since that would be my first free afternoon in a long. long time (!!) I decided I would wear something a bit more colourful. I mean, my atire in the past few weeks has been something like jeans, pajamas and workout clothes (but no, I still haven't done any kind of physical exercise since last year, so, about a month at least). Anyways, it wasn't very hard to bright things up a bit. haha

I am going to be honest and let's pretend you still haven't noticed, but some days I quite enjoy having snaps of me taken as much as I enjoy snapping everything that crosses my path and although the weather wasn't very pleasent and I didn't feel at my greatest (not even near) the day was just too beautiful. I really can't explain but sitting there, staring at the pink sky and watching the river and the boats. the tiny little cars in the bridge, those are just a few of the reasons why I love Lisbon so much. That's in these moments that I often feel so blessed and thankful and happy! 

Thankful is the word

I want to remember forever how much you loved me and how happy I was by your side. How you were my best friend, the nicest and sensible person I knew by then, smart, intelligent and dedicated. You sure were a hard-worker and turned into a go getter. 

I told you this by the time you turned 20 last November, but you make me so damn proud!! Thank you for showing me I was wrong and for turning me into a better person. With you I've learned and grown faster than ever, better than ever. 

At the end, everything you brought to me ended to be good, even if it looked bad somehow or if it made me feel bad at times. I guess that's just the way we grow up, right? 

Tomorrow you will be at the cover of a famous magazine for the very first time and I'm sure it won't be the last! Congrats buddy!

Day to day

You know when you have so much to say you don't even know where to start so you don't even feel like sharing? That's me right now. Also I am short in time. Still, had a good day off with my mum yesterday to celebrate her birthday (which I missed because I had an exame coming soon). I always have fun with that girl! I love her. 

See you soon!

Still going through photos from last summer... Very much in need of some time off.

Films of the Year

Don't know about you but my night was a turbulent one. Fell flat on my bed by 7a.m. and I still haven't processed much of what happened that night, that was pretty much a representation of my whole year. 

Today I've done nothing, as expected, but I did watch a film, an italian one, called "Perfetti Sconosciuti" - or you can call it drama, drama, drama instead if you want. So basically and summing up, the whole story goes around a bunch of friends who find out each one of them has something to hide. At the end I felt quite upset because I couldn't keep recalling a conversation I had last night about a couple who share their lives, their kids lives but sleep in separate bedrooms and don't live in harmony. Most of the plot was about relationships, cheating or lying and hiding important stuff from one another. 

Yesterday night I felt incredible sad for my friend's parents. And I thought about my own parents. They are now divorced for quite some years but I don't ever remember them calling disrespectful names to each other and although me and my sister could sense something wasn't right, we only found out because I saw a letter from the court and asked what it was about, so the cenario at home wasn't that bad so we could see it coming.
The film was everything I don't want to myself. That close couple is everything I don't want in my life. I certainly couldn't live in such anguish, unsure of myself or the life I was living and I wonder what keeps this people together, bearing situations that are so destructive and unhealthy. I guess this is all a sociological problem and each situation is different from the other but I also ask to myself if those couples who endure are the ones that you pass by down the street holding hands and taking their grandchildren for a stroll. And if at the end any of those things matter, if there is love, if aging makes you look at things different..

So I guess there is no rights or wrongs, or if there is, your right may be my wrong, what works with some may not work with others.

Not judging anyone, just a personal thought. So, all that said; while watching this bunch of drama I thought about the films I enjoyed the most this year. I'll try to order them chronologically (in the order I've watched them) and rank them. Please, try not to judge for watching any of them just now with such delay. Here it goes:

Drive 7/10

Fight Club 7/10

Sunshine of the Spotless Mind 7/10

Forrest Gump 10/10

Léon the Professional 8/10 

I guess that was it.  Of course I watched Amélie last night before midnight because it is my all time favourite :))

Balance

2016 was hard. Don't even know if that's the word. Ups and downs, every year is the same. This one had a bit more downs than ups and even if the ups were good I guess the downs just took them over.

I remember ending 2015 with doubts about myself, my feelings and what was still to come. January came easy, I made a new friend who is worth to be mentioned, not because our friendship lasted but because it had quite an impact on me. That was probabily the shortest friendship I've ever made but it was still significant. I discovered new songs and watched Fight Club for the first time, as well as Drive and loved them both. Looking back I've appreciated every moment of it.

I turned 20 in February. Said goodbye to my teen years. They are now behind me. I remember my birthday clearly and I feel I've celebrated for way too long and it felt good. I surrounded myself with the ones I love and made it a happy time. I guess I started to enjoy birthdays all over again.

My exames turned out not to be so great but I got over it with a quick trip to Porto with my best friends and sister. I met G. And that's all I remember about the the arriving of spring. I guess this was the month were the good things really tried to counterbalance the bad ones. 

And then April, obviously. I should go through my camera roll or my laptop filles to see what I was up to by then - that is one of the reasons why I like photographing and writing down stuff so much. Documenting what my memory can't remember for long gives somethings a new meaning of existence I didn't know they had. So this wasn't a big month but there is something worth mention, and it was Mafalda's birthday :)) Apart from that I've wandered a bit with friends and family and had a few car trips, not far though. Didn't enjoy any of them in particular, I realise now. 

May. Don't need to go anywhere because it does not seem very far to me. Time has passed and May was a pretty good one. I remember the first time I said G. I liked him, threw a little party at our place in Lisbon in close friends and had more fun in Coimbra (thanks Xana!!), now with G. by my side :)) 

June was peaceful. Portugal scored all the way through the Euro and made it to the finals. We ended up victorious but it didn't really had an impact on me, lol. Went to Algarve with a few of my bestfriends and it was it, 

July came along and times were quiet. Went to Algarve with family, had a few nights out with friends, especially with JC, who would always be only a call away. Also ran my socks off - that was always fun, thanks for the patience JC :))

August was clearly marked by my trip to Madeira! And I guess that's all this month comes up to. Ended the summer with a bunch of beautiful pictures of the ocean. 

September settled in, went to Coimbra for a few days with G. and actually enjoyed it quite a lot. Thanks for having me!! Back to classes and to the same old routines. 

October - bam, so close and I can't even remember it! Except for G.'s birthday (ahah) that we actually did not spent together and neither has he celebrated because he says he does not care much about that day. I was happy for him turning 23 though :)  Meanwhile I watched Forest Gump for the first time and how could I not love it, right? 

November and MC turned 20! Missed her specially that day. We celebrated latter on and I had quite some fun! My grandfather passed away and JC took me to the cinema. That was the last time we were together and only spoke to each other a few weeks afterwards. This was a tough month overall. 

And here we are. December is here, I lost a friend and I miss him so. Every single day. Christmas is just around the corner and I don't even feel like celebrating. Doubting myself once again. So, I guess I am just back at the starting point. Another year, another ride. 

Thought of posting a colourful portrait just to brighten up a bit what's left of 2016. I hope this next one comes easier to me. I don't have many particular wishes, and the ones I haver really are either silly or just the basic but important things. So, I guess this is it. 

Wish you all a merry, merry Christmas and a Happy New Year