Every week - almost every day to be honest - I feel this urge of writing down what I am feeling. I guess I've been feeling all the feelings lately.
The end of a cycle always gives me some time to think about what it meant, what I did and what the future holds. It's a love-hate moment to me frankly. I actually enjoy this introspective moments but it always afflicts me thinking about the future, creating expectations, making plans when there's always an uncertainty associated I don't like to deal with. So I often dodge this part.
But I guess for now I'll just focus on what this half year brought me and what I've taken from it so far.
So, June is here, classes are over and exam season is in full swing. Holidays are just around the corner and actually this time of year always seems more like new years to me than all the december/january festivities.
I remember 2011 being a hell of a year. 2012 was pretty kind to me as well. Then life stood quite for a while before going down the drain. In 2015 I felt myself coming back to my real me. And for a year now I feel like I've been living the best time of my life, which kind of scars me since it's always so hard to top such great moments and memories as the ones I have from this past year. I laughed until I cried several times, I jumped and danced in the middle of the street. I've loved, I've experienced many new ways of loving others actually, I made new friends and got along with people I admire but don't have a place defined in my life - I don't know if they are gonna stay with me for long or just just be a part of my history, either way, I'm fine with it - I drank quite a lot (not a problem, I swear - haha) and sang at the top of my lungs. I've travelled and road tripped with friends and family. I cried a few times, not all of them worth it, but I certainly laughed many more, and even better, I am pretty sure I've laughed at how silly I was for crying over silly stuff.
There are many more things I could talk about. And I hope I will. I want to share them and also make sure I won't ever forget them, so I better write them down.
At the end I realise I've grown and most important of all, I've lived and have been happy while doing so. I am at this point in life where I don't know where I am going, not sure what I am doing really and still have a hard time making choices at the supermarket. Not everyday is a good day. Tonight is being a pretty crappy one if you are wondering, but I feel I am mature enough when at this point, right now, late at night, feeling mixed feelings and with so many things going on my mind, I am sure I am still happy. And I hope will never never lose this ability to relativise things. It sure hepls me coping with life. And myself.
(Have a few photos in my laptop to share but I'll leave that for another occasion)